


Hate & Love Interchanging

by YvonnePersonne



Series: La Douleur Exquise [3]
Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, It was supposed to be hate sex or at least rough but this fit better imo, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, So soft tho, after ep 3, after the bus scene yeah, smut with feelings, soft soft soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:00:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25768588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YvonnePersonne/pseuds/YvonnePersonne
Summary: "Admit it, Eve,""You wish I was here."Wait.That last one.Eve opens her eyes.That last one; there were two overlapping voices.--Eve finds the teddy bear from Villanelle, and with it, Villanelle herself in the corner of her room. What she feels she wants to ignore, to will away, but she can't resist her hearts true want.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Series: La Douleur Exquise [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815991
Comments: 5
Kudos: 111





	Hate & Love Interchanging

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty then lads, gals and other pals buckle in for a soft, yet smutty story with too many commas and emotions. Tune in next time for another ultimately smutty story, or perhaps something with an actual plot (whaaat?). Yes, I see you squirming in your seat, I won't hold you any longer than what is needed. Go wild you knuckleheads, and please, if you feel like it, tell me your darn opinion, so I know if it is a heap of cow sheit or a good ol' golden nugget.
> 
> (fun fact: I have apparently used exactly 200 commas in the text.)

Eve falls against her bed with a sigh, and a flash of a different bed and a different time come across her mind's eye but scurries away as soon as it made itself known.

Not even one second of peace goes by before a squeak makes itself known in the quiet of her apartment. Then, a voice comes— _her_ voice. 

_No_ , that can't be true, can it?

"Admit it, Eve... You wish I was here." The voice repeats, again and again; stuck in time. Eve desperately rips away her covers, her _made_ covers. _Were they like that when she left?_ It doesn't matter now; the only thing on her mind is finding the source of that voice. That _voice_ that plagues her every time it's too quiet, or too loud. 

Finally, she finds it.

"Admit it, Eve,"

A fucking _teddy bear_. 

"You wish I was here."

She starts tearing the poor bear open, feral in behaviour. 

"Admit it, Eve,"

Another memory flashes behind her eyes as the stuffing comes out.

"You wish I was here." 

White. Snow. _Alaska_. Y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶m̶i̶n̶e̶!̶. **_No_** , _shutupshutupshu-_

"Admit it, Eve,"

She rips out a plastic heart that flashes faintly in the dimly lit room every time that voice repeats itself.

"You wish I was here."

_Shut. Up!_

_..._

There. 

Quiet.

Peace.

"Oh god..." Eve breaths out, her pounding heart beating rhythmically against her ribcage. She grabs the bear accusingly. A pink princess bear. How typical. The leftover anger surges through her as she looks at it and she throws it to the ground, _squeak_ , with the heart still in hand. She looks at it, and what she feels she wants to pretend isn't really there.

That warmth.

That fluttering nervousness in her own heart that she _knows_ isn't from fear of being potentially harmed now that Villanelle is back in her life. 

Her breaths start to even out from the initial shock, and as it leaves, something takes its place. That primal want inside of her. The _one_ thing in her life that she so hopelessly wants. No matter what.

 _Then what do you want? _A voice from another time, another place, flashes by.

She can't resist it. She can't resist her hearts want. 

Thumb caressing the plastic heart, she weighs her options and then decides.

A light press. The faint glow from before lights up again.

"Admit it, Eve," That same honey-like voice drips through the low-quality recorder.

"You wish I was here." 

As she gets a new bout of her eternal drug, she can't stop herself; she presses again.

"Admit it, Eve,"

Eve brings the piece of plastic up to her ear slowly.

"You wish I was here."

Yet another press.

"Admit it, Eve,"

Eve closes her eyes, the heart now as close to her ear as she can get it. She almost, _almost_ feels the soft puff of air she would feel if the real thing was here.

"You wish I was here."

Yet _another_ press.

"Admit it, Eve,"

" **You wish I was here**." 

Wait.

That last one.

Eve opens her eyes.

That last one; there were _two_ overlapping voices.

Is Eve hallucinating voices now? It wouldn't necessarily surprise her, what with her current mental state and all.

But to make sure, to be _absolutely sure_ that that last part _wasn't_ real, and was only a figment of her imagination; she calls out:

"Villanelle?"

It's quiet, just as it should be.

And then a creak, much like the one she had heard when she first entered her home, reverberates in her apartment. Eve snaps her gaze to the sound, and there, in the corner, a shadow moves.

The darkness skims over features that will forever be etched into Eve's mind.

"Eve." And there's that voice again—Honey, yet sharp around the edges where her accent curls. She wears the same grey suit jacket as when she swaggered up to her on the bus, completely unsuspecting of Eves outburst, except this time it's carelessly swung over an orange shirt with a blue teddy bear on it. The two personas of Villanelle clash together, and whilst it looks wrong, it still is so uniquely _Villanelle_ in every way.

Eve can't bring back any of the energy that she thought she had an endless supply off, so all she does is sigh and ask the one question that has been on her mind ever since they first laid eyes on each other.

"What do you want from me?" She says, tired desperation seeping into her voice. 

"I could ask you the same thing." Villanelle answers eventually, the words cocky but her tone just as tired as Eves. Villanelle is still covered in the darkness, but the light reflects on her eyes, making them glint softly when Eve looks into the sea of black in her corner. Her eyes hold a low spark, showing that even if she sounds tired, her soul is still fighting. 

"Why are you here?" Eve tries instead. It's quiet for some time, and for a moment she thinks that Villanelle won't answer.

"Because I missed you." Villanelle finally says. Eve sighs and looks away from the corner. Her curls fall in front of her face as she looks down at the floor. The same choking feeling that you get when you know you're about to cry comes creeping up her throat, but she refuses to make it known to the world. Eve isn't even sure why it's there in the first place. Too many conflicting emotions, she guesses. Too many things she wishes weren't real.

"I'm sorry." Villanelle voices after a while. Eve chuckles at the absurdity of the situation she finds herself in. She's in the same room as the person who tried to kill her, who _she_ tried to kill—the same person who, after _everything_ , she still feels that magnetic pull for. 

Her chuckle is sudden and feels unused; like it doesn't fit in her throat. She looks up at the ceiling and takes another deep breath.

"Yeah." Is all she answers with. She lets herself fall back down on the bed, and the memory from before resurfaces again; fresher, and brighter this time. Staring up at the thin cracks in the ceiling, she hears soft footsteps come closer and closer until they stop. Shifting her gaze, she sees Villanelle standing a bit away from her bed, looking down at Eve. Eve looks away and closes her eyes.

"Whatever you came here for, can we maybe do it tomorrow? I don't have the energy to do this right now." Eve mumbles. 

She feels oddly safe; she doesn't have the care to worry for her life anymore. If Villanelle decides to kill her now, she can't say she'll be surprised or that she didn't bring it on herself. However, when there is no further noise, she grows curious. 

Skewering her eyes open again she finds Villanelle still standing there, looking at her.

"I promise I won't stab you if you lie down." She says as she looks at Villanelle. 

Closing her eyes, this time, she hears tentative footsteps come towards the bed. She feels the bed dip next to her, but when no movement to lay down and sleep comes, she begrudgingly opens her eyes yet again. Villanelle is sitting on the bed, still watching Eve with that same look on her face.

"What?" Eve sighs. Villanelle bites her lip, and her gaze jumps across Eve's face and then she slowly brings her hand up. Eve stops breathing as she watches Villanelle watching her. Both seeing if the other will run away, too startled by what's happening. But neither moves away. Villanelles hand is right in front of Eve's face, and she seems to doubt herself for a second until her thumb grazes lightly over the bruise on Eve's forehead and then trails down to cup Eve's cheek. Her hand pulls away slowly, fingers trailing lightly over Eve's skin as it goes. Villanelle sighs as she visibly looks for what words to say, eyebrows furrowing slightly and gaze glazing over, and Eve despises how it pulls at her heart.

"You have no idea how much I regretted doing what I did in Rome." Villanelle murmurs and part of Eve wants to say ' _Yeah right_ ' and push her away like they always do. Always with the push-and-pull. Yet, she doesn't, and not just because she's physically tired. She's tired of running away from Villanelle, and of herself for that matter.

Villanelle takes Eve's silence as a good thing and ploughs on.

"I kept trying to forget you, and along with it what I did to you." She looks pained as she speaks as if she's talking about being shot herself instead of Eve. "I even-" She huffs slightly and looks away. "I'm legally married, actually." 

" _What_?" Eve snaps and her eyes widen as she looks at Villanelle to see if she's joking.

"Well," She scrunches her nose, and Eve hates how she finds that cute. "Not under my usual name but under some other one that I don't care enough about to remember." She says rather coyly. Eve scoffs but just looks at Villanelle and gives a slight disbelieving smile, who gives one right back to her.

"But nothing can replace you, Eve." She bites her lip again and Eve almost has to take a double-take because now, as she looks into Villanelles eyes, it's evident that she is just as close to breaking down as Eve was before. And like Eve, she pushes it down. Eve looks away, and so does Villanelle who is still in the process of trying to compose herself. Turning her back to Eve, she finally lays down next to her. 

The memory from before resurfaces for the third time today, and despite the similarities, it feels lightyears away. So much has changed, Eve has changed, Villanelle too. The circumstances, and the number of times they got too close to each other, yet not nearly close enough. Lying in a strange state of mixed calmness and paralyzation, Eve isn't sure what to say. So, she does instead. Laying her hand gently over Villanelles, she feels Villanelle stiffen for a moment before turning her own hand and lacing their fingers together.

"What are we, Eve?" Villanelle voices. Eve turns her head to look at Villanelles profile. Villanelle turns her face too, eyebrows stuck in a light crease and eyes searching.

"I'm tired of running from myself," Eve says quietly. "I think I have been for a long time, and by running from myself I've done the same to you." She looks down at their interlocked fingers.

"I'm still mad at you but-"

"I know." Villanelle mumbles and Eve locks her gaze with Villanelles again.

"But I still... Won't deny me of you again. Or at least, I'm done not talking to you. About anything. Everything." Eve finishes. Villanelle looks at her, then smiles.

"That sounds good, Eve. I-" Her smile falls. "I will try my best but I can't promise it will be easy." She whispers the last part. Eve brings her other hand up and caresses Villanelles face like she'd done in her kitchen just a few months ago.

"That's okay. I don't expect it to be." Eve reassures, and with it, Villanelles previous careful smile resurfaces, and Eve resents how it brings a sense of calm over her. Eve brings her hand back, and with nothing more to say they just continue gazing at each other. As Eve watches Villanelle watch her, she sees the change in her face as things shift from careful and quiet, to a more electrifying tension as Villanelles eyes fill with a familiar hunger. That tension that always seems to envelop around them when they're together, no matter the circumstances. Villanelle turns her whole body to Eve, and Eve mirrors her. During the movement, losing their contact during the change, Villanelle instantly reapplies it by laying a hand on Eve's waist. Villanelle fixes her gaze on Eve's lips, and the air leaves her lungs. Villanelle tugs on her, bringing Eve closer, and her breath caresses against Eve's face. Seconds tick by until finally Villanelle inches forward and their lips are just touching before she falters, but Eve closes the distance before Villanelle can move away.

It's nothing like their kiss on the bus. The bus kiss was hard, lips crashing together in an unfiltered show of Eves want for Villanelle. It was uncoordinated, filled with fury and passion that fight inside her for dominance. It was the most sudden yet predictable thing to happen to them, and in a way it was perfect. But that kind of kiss is not what they needed now. This time, a different sort of hunger lingered inside both of them. Lips moving slowly against each other; it was careful.

Villanelle shifts to hover slightly above her, and pushes Eve into the bed. Eve feels the instinct to giggle at how apparent it is how much Villanelle is trying to hold back, but really, it isn't like she is in the position to laugh. Feeling brave, Eve swipes her tongue out to graze the bottom of Villanelles lip and Villanelle sighs against her, then smiles approvingly. She nips playfully at Eve's lips before opening her mouth. Both with their mouths open, Eve returns Villanelles playfulness by not letting her capture her lips. Eve giggles at Villanelles growing frustration and gives in by giving her a lick and then kissing her fully. She feels Villanelle sigh into her again and practically feels the relief wash over her. Eve bucks her hips into Villanelle and Villanelle groans. Parting their lips, Villanelle rests her forehead on Eves' and looks down between them where Eve keeps thrashing for more contact. Giving Eve a lingering kiss, she starts to suck on her neck, then the spot behind her ear, before biting lightly on Eve's ear. Moving down her body, she kisses her collarbone and slinks a hand up her button-up shirt. This time it was Eves turn to groan, who sits up slightly to wring it up and above her head. Slinging it across her room, she grabs Villanelles face and pulls her towards her. Feeling Villanelles lips against her own, Villanelle chuckles into her. Parting for air, Villanelle mumbles:

"Needy are we?" She murmurs, and Eve hates how much it turns her on.

"Shut up." Is all Eve says before reclaiming her lips. Villanelle cups Eve's breast and digs her thumbnail into the material of the bra before circling the soft nub hiding under it. Eve moans into her mouth and arches her back. After so long, something is finally happening, and the fact makes Eve practically vibrate with anticipation. The thought of how wet she must be would in any other scenario make her burn with shame, but now she can't bring herself to care. All she wants is the woman who's mouth is as eager and hungry as Eve's own. As Villanelles tongue keeps exploring Eve's mouth, her fingers start to wander downwards. Skimming them over the hem of Eve's trousers, she teases. But Eve grows impatient with every second that drags by.

"Please..." She whispers when their lips part for a fraction of a moment. Villanelle dips her fingers down, and they pass through the soft curls that greet her. She drags a tentative finger up through the slick folds and Eve shudders under her touch. Villanelles head lulls down to rest on Eve's shoulder as she feels Eve under her fingertips. She presses a soft kiss, and her fingers keep exploring, making more and more sounds escape out of Eve's mouth. When Villanelles movement suddenly stops Eve snaps her head up from its previous slack position. She's about to tell Villanelle to stop teasing when she notices Villanelle looking at her shoulder. Or rather, at the thin red line that adorns it. Villanelle bends down and presses a feather-light kiss to it. Villanelle pulls back and looks into Eve's eyes.

"I know." Eve whispers, and Villanelle visibly struggles to swallow. Eve brings her own hands up and presses them against Villanelles flat stomach. Dipping them under the material of her suit jacket, she starts to peel it off. Villanelle sits up on her knees and Eve follows along under her. Wringing her jacket off, the annoyingly cute orange shirt shortly follows. Both discarded somewhere on the floor, and Eve is now facing Villanelles own thin red scar. Sliding her hands up Villanelles waist, she presses her lips to the mark, and Villanelle drags her fingers up and through Eve's hair. Villanelle bends down and plants a kiss at the top of Eve's head, making Eve draw back from Villanelles scar. Looking up, Villanelle cups Eve's face and captures her lips in a deep kiss. 

Eve moves so that they are on the right side of the bed, and Villanelle refuses to lose her lips for even a second. Head on her pillow, they are finally in the correct position, and Villanelle starts peppering her face with kisses and then starts to kiss her way down her whole body. She moves her hands under Eve's bra and then flings it away. Capturing her breast in her mouth, she sucks and flicks it with her tongue, making Eve squirm underneath her. Moving on, she kisses Eve's stomach, dips her tongue into her belly button and then drags her pants down. Sitting back to pull them off she lets them fall to the floor and then kisses Eve's ankle, calf and then tops of thighs. Making sure to leave marks here and there, she lingers on the inside of Eve's thighs. Eve moans and groans and thrashes, and Villanelle holds her hips down. Finally, she removes the only clothing left and having already teased Eve enough; she gets straight to the point. Eve throws her head back and lets out a long moan, and Villanelle keeps lapping between her legs. She brings her hand up and starts teasing Eve's entrance, before pressing in one finger. Eve groans again. Villanelle feels how ready Eve is and pushes in two more, knowing that Eve could take it. Sucking on her clit she thrusts in and out of Eve, making the woman moan her name.

"Oh, Villanelle..." She says over and over, like a prayer. It doesn't take long for the older woman to twitch uncontrollably and grab the sheets as she rides Villanelles face into ecstasy. When she calms down, she grabs fistfuls of Villanelles hair and pulls her up. Flesh melding into one, she tastes herself on Villanelle and feels a new wave of arousal come over her. However, she pushes it away for later, as Villanelle was her main focus right now. Flipping the other woman on her back, Villanelle making a surprised noise into her mouth, she claws at the woman's suit pants that are somehow still on. Villanelle understands and pulls back to lift her hips and shoves the pants down to her ankles.

Eve rips her underwear apart in one desperate motion, and Villanelles eyebrows shot up at her urgent manner. Her expressions stay isn't long though, as Eve instantly slides her fingers up Villanelle. Villanelle whimpers and grabs Eve's face to silence herself. Eve lets her moan into her mouth as she keeps moving her fingers up and down Villanelles clit, before dipping lower. Two fingers inside, she sets a punishing pace that has Villanelle moaning louder than Eve ever thought she would. Much like Eve, it doesn't take long for her to come. Her face scrunches together, and her mouth hangs open as her toes curl and entire body goes stiff. She twitches, once, twice and then goes slack with a sigh. Eve brings her fingers back and cleans them off on the sheets. Eve lays down next to Villanelle, who turns and looks at her. She smiles fully this time and then leans forward and captures Eve in a soft kiss that feels somehow more intimate than the others. Eve smiles into it and lets herself melt into Villanelles touch. She would've wanted to go maybe a hundred more times, but her body is tired and sore and aches for sleep. So when she parts from Villanelles mouth, she slides down and brings a hand around Villanelles stomach. Villanelle is stiff for a moment before she wraps her own arm around Eve. Eve feels Villanelle shake slightly as an unbelieving chuckle escapes out of her mouth. 

The last thing Eve feels before her mind slips away into the cool embrace of sleep is how reverently she adores the woman who is holding her, and for the first time, she doesn't hate herself for it.


End file.
